I came from the All
I'll return to the All
I never die
I'll dissipate like mist
I'll soar the sky
I never die
I'll become one with the trees
The birds and the bees
I never die
Larger than one thousand suns
Smaller than an atom's nucleus
I never die
Heaven and Hell are here on Earth
Life is what you make it worth
I never die
Questions lying alone at night
The stillness in your soul anwsers why
I Never Die
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
A Piece of Heaven, A Slice of Normal
A Lovers' Appreciation
I can still feel the sand underneath my feet and between my toes. I smell the ocean and feel the warmth of the sun on my face and my back. THIS is what Heaven feels like. Heaven feels like the moment you rolled over and cuddled me from behind, your strong arms surrounding me. I inhaled in that moment, and the time stood still. I could have spent eternity in the warmth of your body next to me holding me oh so tightly. In that moment, I felt wanted and missed and special. In that moment, I knew what a normal, real, mutual feel good relationship was supposed to feel like. My heart, mind and soul exhaled "yes" in that moment.
I notice and admire so much about you: the dimple in your cheek; the dark cocoa hue of your skin; the intensity of your gaze. I love your face and its fullness, your broad chest and shoulders, your massive strong arms. I just wanna lay with you and be lost again in that moment. Thank you for sharing a piece of Heaven and normal with me :)
I can still feel the sand underneath my feet and between my toes. I smell the ocean and feel the warmth of the sun on my face and my back. THIS is what Heaven feels like. Heaven feels like the moment you rolled over and cuddled me from behind, your strong arms surrounding me. I inhaled in that moment, and the time stood still. I could have spent eternity in the warmth of your body next to me holding me oh so tightly. In that moment, I felt wanted and missed and special. In that moment, I knew what a normal, real, mutual feel good relationship was supposed to feel like. My heart, mind and soul exhaled "yes" in that moment.
I notice and admire so much about you: the dimple in your cheek; the dark cocoa hue of your skin; the intensity of your gaze. I love your face and its fullness, your broad chest and shoulders, your massive strong arms. I just wanna lay with you and be lost again in that moment. Thank you for sharing a piece of Heaven and normal with me :)
Wednesday, June 4, 2014
S.acred E.nergizing X.pression
I think my thoughts are at their most fluid when I'm NO where near a pen and paper (in the car)! So here I am sharing this right after work with quick eagerness as the words jump over themselves in my mind faster than I can type them out, lest they escape me entirely:
When it comes to Sacred Energizing Xpression (which is something I think about a lot) I think that the practice should be valued much more than it is by people in general. I wish more people understood how beautiful and fulfilling such an experience can be; such a powerful form of non-verbal expression between two people. I think we devalue the practice when we are so willing to freely commit our bodies without also sharing ourselves mentally, as well as our hearts.
But just why are We the People so willing to share our bodies yet so stingy when it comes to anything more?? Well, from my perspective I think many of us, particularly young people, are in a self-centered state when we do this. Sex is perceived as an opportunity to get rather than to give. Sex is understood to be pleasurable, so naturally we're on the prowl for the benefit. In contrast, when it comes to sharing or opening our hearts to another human being, many of us don't see the benefit. What we see is sacrifice and pain, and who wants that right? Our fear is greater than our faith. I get it.
With that being said (and from my own experience), sex is so much more pleasurable and beneficial when you share it all. In my opinion, it's either all or nothing. Some people possess the ability to compartmentalize themselves. I do not hold these boundaries. It's all a big love soup for me - body, mind, and heart - it's a packaged deal.
It's funny, but I've envisioned that for some, the process of sharing your heart has become like a game of double dutch. If you've ever watched a little girl jump double dutch, you remember how she kinda bounces back & forth readying herself for the opportunity to jump into the ropes?? That's how people are in contemplating sharing their hearts (and dating in general), except the extremely fearful, insecure, fickle ones never jump in; fear keeps them forever bouncing back & forth. They can spot opportunities as great as the day is long to jump right in, but fear paralyzes them.
One experience with a guy in which there was mutual interest sticks out in my mind. In the beginning of the game he was the perfect gentleman; funny, charming, passionate, emotional intensity. I thoroughly enjoyed his pursuit of me and his deep, probing questions about myself (which I took as his "bouncing back & forth" to see whether he wanted to jump in). But right as I anticipated that he would take that opportunity to jump in with me, he choked up. I later found out, unbeknownst to me at the time, I did something that triggered an unhealed wound related to a prior relationship. My action reminded him of what led to heartbreak by an ex-girlfriend.
Why can't we simply be honest with each other and just say "look I'm just SCARED - I was SO deeply disappointed by the abuse/miscommunication/fill in the blank during my last relationship that the only thing I think I can risk sharing right now is my body?"
In order to keep from taking things personal, I remind myself that there are lots of people on the scene (who really ought NOT be), walking around here with unresolved wounds and don't know how to heal themselves from past disappointment or from perceived and/or real abuse and neglect. They WANT to share their hearts, they WANT love and perhaps monogamy but their fear is greater than their faith in any perceived benefits. So instead they rap MC Breed/Tupac "I gotta get mine, you gotta get yours." It's certainly understandable why a hopeful person would also turn rogue and place their heart on the shelf with enough repeated exposure to these individuals.
But I just simply think that with great reward comes great risk. I just don't believe in doing anything half-hearted. When it comes to sex, you should go ALL way (no pun intended. Well, maybe). I'd like to entice everyone but particularly challenge the menfolk's notion of courage in Western civilization to discontinue this simple-minded objective to pursue and penetrate a woman's body - actually grow the BALLS to allow yourself to be penetrated by her, fully in mind and in heart. I think when two people are willing to lend their bodies, their minds AND their hearts to sexual expression it can be so much more fulfilling, creative, enduring and healing.
Before I end this post I must say that my thoughts are strictly focused on sharing your all with someone in the pursuit of and during sex. This isn't a discussion for or against monogamy, marriage, moral/religious beliefs etc. However, I DO want to encourage everyone: please please PLEASE practice RESPONSIBLE, SAFE Sacred Energizing Xpression regardless of your personal situation.
When it comes to Sacred Energizing Xpression (which is something I think about a lot) I think that the practice should be valued much more than it is by people in general. I wish more people understood how beautiful and fulfilling such an experience can be; such a powerful form of non-verbal expression between two people. I think we devalue the practice when we are so willing to freely commit our bodies without also sharing ourselves mentally, as well as our hearts.
But just why are We the People so willing to share our bodies yet so stingy when it comes to anything more?? Well, from my perspective I think many of us, particularly young people, are in a self-centered state when we do this. Sex is perceived as an opportunity to get rather than to give. Sex is understood to be pleasurable, so naturally we're on the prowl for the benefit. In contrast, when it comes to sharing or opening our hearts to another human being, many of us don't see the benefit. What we see is sacrifice and pain, and who wants that right? Our fear is greater than our faith. I get it.
With that being said (and from my own experience), sex is so much more pleasurable and beneficial when you share it all. In my opinion, it's either all or nothing. Some people possess the ability to compartmentalize themselves. I do not hold these boundaries. It's all a big love soup for me - body, mind, and heart - it's a packaged deal.
It's funny, but I've envisioned that for some, the process of sharing your heart has become like a game of double dutch. If you've ever watched a little girl jump double dutch, you remember how she kinda bounces back & forth readying herself for the opportunity to jump into the ropes?? That's how people are in contemplating sharing their hearts (and dating in general), except the extremely fearful, insecure, fickle ones never jump in; fear keeps them forever bouncing back & forth. They can spot opportunities as great as the day is long to jump right in, but fear paralyzes them.
One experience with a guy in which there was mutual interest sticks out in my mind. In the beginning of the game he was the perfect gentleman; funny, charming, passionate, emotional intensity. I thoroughly enjoyed his pursuit of me and his deep, probing questions about myself (which I took as his "bouncing back & forth" to see whether he wanted to jump in). But right as I anticipated that he would take that opportunity to jump in with me, he choked up. I later found out, unbeknownst to me at the time, I did something that triggered an unhealed wound related to a prior relationship. My action reminded him of what led to heartbreak by an ex-girlfriend.
Why can't we simply be honest with each other and just say "look I'm just SCARED - I was SO deeply disappointed by the abuse/miscommunication/fill in the blank during my last relationship that the only thing I think I can risk sharing right now is my body?"
In order to keep from taking things personal, I remind myself that there are lots of people on the scene (who really ought NOT be), walking around here with unresolved wounds and don't know how to heal themselves from past disappointment or from perceived and/or real abuse and neglect. They WANT to share their hearts, they WANT love and perhaps monogamy but their fear is greater than their faith in any perceived benefits. So instead they rap MC Breed/Tupac "I gotta get mine, you gotta get yours." It's certainly understandable why a hopeful person would also turn rogue and place their heart on the shelf with enough repeated exposure to these individuals.
But I just simply think that with great reward comes great risk. I just don't believe in doing anything half-hearted. When it comes to sex, you should go ALL way (no pun intended. Well, maybe). I'd like to entice everyone but particularly challenge the menfolk's notion of courage in Western civilization to discontinue this simple-minded objective to pursue and penetrate a woman's body - actually grow the BALLS to allow yourself to be penetrated by her, fully in mind and in heart. I think when two people are willing to lend their bodies, their minds AND their hearts to sexual expression it can be so much more fulfilling, creative, enduring and healing.
Before I end this post I must say that my thoughts are strictly focused on sharing your all with someone in the pursuit of and during sex. This isn't a discussion for or against monogamy, marriage, moral/religious beliefs etc. However, I DO want to encourage everyone: please please PLEASE practice RESPONSIBLE, SAFE Sacred Energizing Xpression regardless of your personal situation.
Monday, May 26, 2014
Gutting the guilt
I feel a lot of repressed guilt. I don't know when the habit of feeling this way began, but whenever I have lots of free time on my hands I feel guilty for being quote unquote unproductive.
For example, today is Memorial Day here in the US. I did not go to Facebook/Twitter/Instagram to copy and paste a meme like everybody else acknowledging our fallen soldiers or go out to grave sites to plant flowers; I did not do any studying, reading, or exercising or getting outside to appreciate the sun and warmth we've been much deprived of all winter. Here's what I did do: I lay in my bed most of today, scrolled social media a little, took a quiz which supposedly revealed my hidden self, read an article written by Deepak Chopra, and watched a few YouTube videos; one containing interesting facts about sperm, and a few others about astrology. In other words, I did exactly what I wanted to do. If I didn't want to do it, I would have done something else. Yet I felt guilty for not doing something else. It's as if I have a father figure in my head that scolds me and tells me how undisciplined and unproductive I am, and reminds me that the clock of life is ticking.
Where does this constant need to produce in order to feel approval come from? Could it be the conditioning of everyday life experienced in the outside world boiling over into my personal life? My personal time should be for ME to just be: to not have to think, to not have to produce, to not have to vie for the approval or acceptance from any outside force.
I think I know what the truth is. I am constantly reminded of my mortality and there is a fear of dying without having left my mark on the world somehow. The lyrics of Beyonce's Diane Warren penned theme "I Was Here" sums it up. When I probe into it further, I think this fear is really a reflection of my feeling unacknowledged and a false belief that I'm only worthy of praise and approval if I produce something of value for others. I think that if I can get to the root of this need to feel acknowledged and purge myself of it, then I won't feel guilty for being "unproductive."
I'm writing this not for anybody else but myself, to allow myself the freedom to just be. I feel like I still have some ways to go into fully accepting myself for who I truly am, but each day brings a revelation to help me get there.
Sunday, May 25, 2014
Feeling My Way Through Life
"All I know is that I exist, and that I feel things"
Those were the words spoken to God that flowed through my tears on an unusually chilly, yet lonely spring night as I lay in my bed, swallowed up by darkness and the loudness of the world's silence. I was trying to go to sleep after a failed attempt to silence the nagging fear in the pit of my gut. I had reached a point of desperation and I was finally verbally acknowledging God again. For a long time, I had stopped talking out loud to God, because I reached a point in which I felt my words were empty. My feelings did not match my words and the prayers felt insincere, almost mechanical. But on this particular night, they found themselves fully aligned again.
"What good are my feelings?" They were wearing me out. What was I feeling about now? Perhaps something said during conversation I had with a guy that I secretly longed to be in a committed relationship with. Or maybe it was the antsy feeling I felt lately each time I talked to him. That antsy feeling was my secret desire to be the center of attention, which he certainly was NOT making me out to be; instead our conversations were centered around him and I wanted to find a way to get off of the phone. I am emotionally sensitive. I don't think I was ever taught how to manage my sensitivity. This is something I've had to discover through experience. I find myself easily rocked by the words of others, good or bad. My attitude toward myself easily colored and imposed upon by how I assume others perceive me, and me pondering how I feel about this. This is the epiphany I came to that night I cried to God. I feel my way through life. I remember people not necessarily by how they look, but by the way their words and overall presence make me feel. I remember movies, songs, political and social events, dates and years not by the specifics of what took place during them, but by my general feelings after I lived through them. "2011 was a good year", not because it was actually a great year, but because my memory recalls good feelings.
I would say over the past three years of my life, I attempted to embody the words of the people who had the greatest influence on me. These would be folks I were connected to though social media; some I knew personally and others I'd ever met. Their words felt like something hard, cold and stern. Like a thick, black line that is drawn on a white piece of paper. Boundaries. Unemotional. Logic. But this was unnatural and opposite of what I am at my core. That night in my bed with my tears was the beginning of a series of steps leading me to the end of denying myself; a small victory in the conflict between my inner being and the outer shell I presented to the world.
I'm so entangled in my feelings that it becomes hard to separate them from who I am. My feelings come from me, but they are not me. Yet they are an extension of me; they are deep, they are passionate, they are strong, and they are like the element of water. Water is complex. It can be refreshing, healing. Or it can be forceful and deadly. Water can usher hidden things to the surface, or it can plunge them deep into the depths. So goes my feelings. So goes me.
I've always wanted someone to understand and appreciate this about me, to be unafraid to ride that wave with me and never leave. But to be fair I now think this expectation is unreasonable, particularly when there are times that I don't even understand myself.
"So what am I going to do about this?" I thought. "How can I utilize my feelings in a productive way?" I still hadn't reached the moment where I knew what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. The start of Year 32 had ushered in a reality that feels harsh and finite so far. A reality that I will not be contained in this physical body forever. I try not to think about this but every now and then when I feel unaccomplished, unproductive, unfulfilled, my subconscious finds a way to remind me. Well, this is what happened that night in bed after the final tear dropped: I emptied out my sadness and it was replaced with annoyance and determination. I was determined to manage my feelings and confront the beliefs about myself that created the practice of trying to anticipate what others thought about me and caring so much about it.
Feelings can clue you in to the opportunity to self-heal, or they can be used to lead yourself down a road fogged with paranoia and gullibility. I choose the former, through courageous and disciplined action.
Sunday, October 20, 2013
Seraena is an Introvert.
It can get extremely frustrating living in a society of people who make assumptions about you because you are quiet. A lot of people have misconceptions about me.
I am introverted. I am not shy. I thought I was, because it's a label constantly thrown on me. They are not the same. Being around people does not intimidate me. I see right through to the insecurity of lots of loud people all the time.
1) People assume quiet people don't like to talk. Not true. I just don't like to talk excessively about nothingness. And ESPECIALLY over the phone (Dear GOD not the phone). A few of my friends assume I don't love (or like) them because I don't call them. Please don't do this. To be honest I hate the phone. But I love YOU (I really do). And I love talking in person to you. You can text me though. As an introvert I think texting is one of the greatest inventions of all time.
But back to nothingness. I just find small talk to be boring. I'm not really a "chit chat" chick. I understand the need for it, I mean everybody can't be deep all the time and neither am I, but I just feel like if I don't have anything interesting or productive to say, I'd rather not talk at all. I think before I speak. I do a lot more thinking (and daydreaming. And fantasizing, LOL) than speaking. I don't always find it necessary to share my opinion or fill every gap of silence with idle noise. I like the phrase "If somebody's talking, somebody's lying."
2) People assume that quiet people are not outgoing. I like to go out. LOL. I just don't need to go out as much as extroverted people do. I've done a lot of things. With a lot of people. I just don't talk about them *wink*
3) People assume I am weak or timid because I am quiet. I'm very FAR from it. How about I just don't prefer to engage low minded people. More power to you if you have the energy for that. I DON'T.
4) I am not weird. I am not anti-social. I am not mean. I am not lonely or sad or depressed (although folks' ignorance can cause this). I am not a little mouse in need of a mother hen. I just don't require lots of people time. And noise. And busybodies <--- (these people need to be shipped to Pluto).
5) I find that spending time with myself is more energizing and stimulating than spending time in the presence of people. I read & research things, I write out my thoughts & ideas, I work out, I listen to music..those things alone provide just enough mental & emotional stimulation to keep me preoccupied for hours. How does anyone get the time to feel bored?? I previously never understood people who constantly say that, but perhaps introversion/extroversion plays a role.
The reality is, the world is bias toward extroverted people. The world values the traits of being aggressive, loud & talkative and high energy. That is equated with success and happiness. Introverted people are forced to fake it to fit in; they are mistakenly (and annoyingly) labeled as shy, told to "loosen up" and "come out of their shell"; they are treated like something is wrong with them or "less than" because they aren't constantly making noise and seeking attention from other people. Well I'm speaking out about it, so to speak (LOL)! No seriously, the bias is overrated, predictable and quite old. Quiet people do not need to be ashamed for being who they are. The world needs more people like us :)
A good interview about introverts: http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=the-power-of-introverts
Excellent myth busting article about introverts: http://http://www.carlkingdom.com/10-myths-about-introverts
I am introverted. I am not shy. I thought I was, because it's a label constantly thrown on me. They are not the same. Being around people does not intimidate me. I see right through to the insecurity of lots of loud people all the time.
1) People assume quiet people don't like to talk. Not true. I just don't like to talk excessively about nothingness. And ESPECIALLY over the phone (Dear GOD not the phone). A few of my friends assume I don't love (or like) them because I don't call them. Please don't do this. To be honest I hate the phone. But I love YOU (I really do). And I love talking in person to you. You can text me though. As an introvert I think texting is one of the greatest inventions of all time.
But back to nothingness. I just find small talk to be boring. I'm not really a "chit chat" chick. I understand the need for it, I mean everybody can't be deep all the time and neither am I, but I just feel like if I don't have anything interesting or productive to say, I'd rather not talk at all. I think before I speak. I do a lot more thinking (and daydreaming. And fantasizing, LOL) than speaking. I don't always find it necessary to share my opinion or fill every gap of silence with idle noise. I like the phrase "If somebody's talking, somebody's lying."
2) People assume that quiet people are not outgoing. I like to go out. LOL. I just don't need to go out as much as extroverted people do. I've done a lot of things. With a lot of people. I just don't talk about them *wink*
3) People assume I am weak or timid because I am quiet. I'm very FAR from it. How about I just don't prefer to engage low minded people. More power to you if you have the energy for that. I DON'T.
4) I am not weird. I am not anti-social. I am not mean. I am not lonely or sad or depressed (although folks' ignorance can cause this). I am not a little mouse in need of a mother hen. I just don't require lots of people time. And noise. And busybodies <--- (these people need to be shipped to Pluto).
5) I find that spending time with myself is more energizing and stimulating than spending time in the presence of people. I read & research things, I write out my thoughts & ideas, I work out, I listen to music..those things alone provide just enough mental & emotional stimulation to keep me preoccupied for hours. How does anyone get the time to feel bored?? I previously never understood people who constantly say that, but perhaps introversion/extroversion plays a role.
The reality is, the world is bias toward extroverted people. The world values the traits of being aggressive, loud & talkative and high energy. That is equated with success and happiness. Introverted people are forced to fake it to fit in; they are mistakenly (and annoyingly) labeled as shy, told to "loosen up" and "come out of their shell"; they are treated like something is wrong with them or "less than" because they aren't constantly making noise and seeking attention from other people. Well I'm speaking out about it, so to speak (LOL)! No seriously, the bias is overrated, predictable and quite old. Quiet people do not need to be ashamed for being who they are. The world needs more people like us :)
A good interview about introverts: http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=the-power-of-introverts
Excellent myth busting article about introverts: http://http://www.carlkingdom.com/10-myths-about-introverts
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
The Real Reason Why I'm Single
It took me quite a while to figure this out. First I must say, I never thought in a million years that I’d be 31 and single with no kids. If you had gone back to 2000 and told the 18 year old me that this is where I’d be in 2013, I would have vehemently rejected the reality. I just KNEW I was gonna be married to some dude named Brandon (not a real dude, just always adored that name) with four kids (two boys and two girls) living in a large ass house with a wrap around porch in the suburbs somewhere. Yeah.
Anyway, I’m no different than any other youngin. I’ve had my fair share of dating & relationship experience and the ups & downs that come with it. As the years rolled by, first the excuse was that I couldn’t find a good guy. Let me just be candid; I’ve dated some, shall we say, “offbeat” men. One friend even referred to me as a “scavenger”…as I seemed to pick through what’s left over in the men pile (really!). Either he wasn’t physically or mentally or financially fit, or we didn’t share the same religious beliefs…really a bunch of superficial stuff.
Before I knew it, I’d turned into this intense serial dater and the melodramatic cycle I experienced went something like this: meet guy; complete and overt infatuation consumes entire thought process; guy does something to utterly burst bubble (i.e. reality sets in); spend weeks recovering from the high. What I was really doing was chasing the high of the newness. I needed that excitement that newness brought to make me feel alive. After the newness wore off and reality kicked in (burst bubble) I became disappointed or bored, only to traipse off further into the field of daises to encounter my nextvictim object of affection. How immature right?
Hindsight is always 20/20. Truth be told, I was always the one running away when things got too real. I accused my men of being emotionally unavailable, yet it was I, too, who was unavailable after a certain point and didn’t realize it; mistaking the passion of sexual relations for deep emotional connection and commitment. And sometimes I ran because I wanted to “reject him before he rejects me.” It took a couple of times of actually being rejected and allowing myself to feel the sting of it before I made myself take a break and really think about why I kept repeating this cycle. Why was I single? Why did I want a relationship so bad? Being alone with myself, I realized I was seeking to prove my worth to the world through a relationship. I wanted a man to make me feel like I was worth something; to make me feel ALIVE. I wanted this more than the relationship itself. Because deep down inside, regardless of being told how brilliant or beautiful I was, regardless of the smile on my face and the “I’m fine, things are great” response I gave folks when they asked how I was, on a subconscious level I felt worthless. It had not occurred to me that I could engage myself in other areas of life to build my confidence and realize my worth as a human first and as a woman second. It should be a common sense thing, and we hear and read about it all the time, but sometimes it takes personally getting through a painful experience to fully understand.
Relationships are beautiful when they’re built by the right people. I think there are limitations though, and I’m mindful of that now. Relationships with others are built from the outside, and I no longer agree that your sense of self worth can be found there. That’s the limit. It can only come from within, where there are no limits.
I should stop saying I’m single and say that I’m in a relationship with myself. I am taking time to fully know me and what it feels like to understand that I don’t have to prove my worth to anyone!
Anyway, I’m no different than any other youngin. I’ve had my fair share of dating & relationship experience and the ups & downs that come with it. As the years rolled by, first the excuse was that I couldn’t find a good guy. Let me just be candid; I’ve dated some, shall we say, “offbeat” men. One friend even referred to me as a “scavenger”…as I seemed to pick through what’s left over in the men pile (really!). Either he wasn’t physically or mentally or financially fit, or we didn’t share the same religious beliefs…really a bunch of superficial stuff.
Before I knew it, I’d turned into this intense serial dater and the melodramatic cycle I experienced went something like this: meet guy; complete and overt infatuation consumes entire thought process; guy does something to utterly burst bubble (i.e. reality sets in); spend weeks recovering from the high. What I was really doing was chasing the high of the newness. I needed that excitement that newness brought to make me feel alive. After the newness wore off and reality kicked in (burst bubble) I became disappointed or bored, only to traipse off further into the field of daises to encounter my next
Hindsight is always 20/20. Truth be told, I was always the one running away when things got too real. I accused my men of being emotionally unavailable, yet it was I, too, who was unavailable after a certain point and didn’t realize it; mistaking the passion of sexual relations for deep emotional connection and commitment. And sometimes I ran because I wanted to “reject him before he rejects me.” It took a couple of times of actually being rejected and allowing myself to feel the sting of it before I made myself take a break and really think about why I kept repeating this cycle. Why was I single? Why did I want a relationship so bad? Being alone with myself, I realized I was seeking to prove my worth to the world through a relationship. I wanted a man to make me feel like I was worth something; to make me feel ALIVE. I wanted this more than the relationship itself. Because deep down inside, regardless of being told how brilliant or beautiful I was, regardless of the smile on my face and the “I’m fine, things are great” response I gave folks when they asked how I was, on a subconscious level I felt worthless. It had not occurred to me that I could engage myself in other areas of life to build my confidence and realize my worth as a human first and as a woman second. It should be a common sense thing, and we hear and read about it all the time, but sometimes it takes personally getting through a painful experience to fully understand.
Relationships are beautiful when they’re built by the right people. I think there are limitations though, and I’m mindful of that now. Relationships with others are built from the outside, and I no longer agree that your sense of self worth can be found there. That’s the limit. It can only come from within, where there are no limits.
I should stop saying I’m single and say that I’m in a relationship with myself. I am taking time to fully know me and what it feels like to understand that I don’t have to prove my worth to anyone!
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