Friends vs Frenemys

I felt compelled to jot down my thoughts about this topic really quick after reading an online article in Essence magazine entitled "5 Ways To Your Best Year: Friend Wisely" by Coach Felicia (Dec 07, 2012).

I've always longed for the bond that comes with sisterhood, having a best friend that I can trust. I felt robbed of that opportunity because I didn't grow up with my older sisters. I grew up with two younger brothers. And dealing with the cattiness of some girls in school, although I had what I would call casual acquaintances I never got over the trauma of being bullied, enough to really be confident and expressive. Holding on to the pain of my trauma isolated me from establishing a true bond with other girls, and women as I grew older.

Why is having friends even important? Because you can refute it all day long, but outside of family (and sometimes despite your family) having true friends help you grow and survive. No "scientific evidence" is needed to conclude that! We have so many cliche sayings and songs written about friendship gone bad, but really they are talking about frenemys. Frenemys give true friends a bad name and overshadow the benefit that come with having a true friend in your life.

It's tough navigating the waters of the world not knowing who is truly your friend or who is a frenemy. Sometimes when you long for companionship or having another there who halfway shows an interest in understanding you, you are willing to accept almost any form of acquaintance. In other words, throughout my 20s it left me being associated with women (and men) who really did not have my best interest at heart. They didn't care whether I succeeded or not, because they were too self-absorbed with getting their own brand of happiness (or discussing the lack thereof) and "success" which included putting others down. Just another distraction to keep them from dealing with their own emotional pain, insecurities, jealousies and frustrations!!!

When I was a little girl, I was taught that if you want everyone to like you and be your friend, you have to "be nice" and "play nice." Some of us learned early on that, while well intended, this is not how the majority of the world operate. Well, I was not part of that "some of us." I had to learn the hard way; I've had to confront the hurt that results from the revelation that who I thought was a friend, who I thought was "for" me, in fact, was not. This was all in spite of my niceties.

Unlike the days of my girlhood, I don't desire to have lots of friends (really frenemies in disguise). What I DO desire is authentic relationships where I can celebrate others and they genuinely desire to celebrate me in return; relationships in which we inspire and challenge each other to be the best versions of ourselves as possible.

The Kiss of Death

I died three times by the wiles of Scorpio,
The prince of betrayal
His heart, a shadow of darkness

I surmised he was a factory of confection
Cloaked in subtleties and gentle affection
He opened his bed, I opened my purse
I offered my heart, he unleashed his curse
Six hundred sixty slashes, carried away in a hearse
Old friend as an accomplice, to make matters worse

His second coming himself made manifest as black widow
Kissed his tears away as he wept on my pillow
But HIS kisses literally stole the breath from my lungs…
I died from suffocation
Narcissist falsification
Fanciful promises of a high life strung out like a user
I was his drug and he was my abuser
The piper he pied
He lied! How he lied!
The sniper he shot
I died! I died!
Could not escape for my own protection

The third: death by lethal injection
T’was as a gazelle grazing fields unaware
Once more the object of Scorpion’s stare
We meet again prince, third time’s a charm!
From subconscious love to aroused in his arms
The heat of his seductive toffee lips melting mine
The venom of his tail penetrating my spine…

Far below the surface of his frozen ice
Flows a river that knows no bounds
A space in him that’d never been touched
A vulnerability I found
Upon his discovery of my intuitive reverie
Cast out the ice kingdom was I
Laid out in shame, myself to blame
Alone in the courtyard, I died

Regenerated myself as a phoenix can
Wary of the kiss of the Scorpion man
Betrayed me thrice, shan’t give another chance
To be back ‘round for another dance
Yet karmic twined lovers are he and I
His kiss of death births my next life

Still

Still living in Chicagoland
Still workin for the man
Still natural
Still perpetually single
Still apartment living
Still striving for the CPA
Still reading books & learning
Still frequent the same parties
Still nice girl by day
Still closet freak by night
Still a traveling world citizen
Still open minded
Still trying to figure out life
Still learning me
Still reserved and indecisive at times
Still living in my head more than in the world
Still emotional, philosophical
Still very spiritual and intuitive
Still seeing the good in others
Still giving more than I ever take, yet
Still taking more than what I ever dish out
Still wouldn't trade my world for anyone else's
Still loving life...